


Welcome home

by BaeksHyuck



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Based on real life lol, Break Up, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Just sad tbh read at your own risk, M/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:14:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29238909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaeksHyuck/pseuds/BaeksHyuck
Summary: There is so much that comes with surviving a plane crash, and Donghyuck can tell you all about it.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 18





	Welcome home

**Author's Note:**

> This is how I cope with the break up I went through. It was so recent. I know that I need to face all my feelings head on, but I still feel to intimidated to do that. So instead I chose to project on my fav ship. 
> 
> I know I'm a bit rusty, but I still hope you enjoy this. 
> 
> All comments are appreciated.
> 
> (also I don't think I 'll ever be able to revisit and edit this.)

There is so much that comes with surviving a plane crash, and Donghyuck can tell you all about it. 

It is the shock, the surprise, and the fact that it happens when you let your guard down that stays with you when you _survive._

_Survive._

Donghyuck sometimes wishes that his life stopped there. Not in a suicidal, 'I wish I died' sort of way, but in a 'I can re-live that moment for the rest of eternity—I just do not want to know what comes after that.'

This is how Donghyuck's plane crashed:

On Thursday morning, a day after how he spent their—Mark's and his—anniversary in such a depressing manner, he woke up with a resolution. Even if his Mark was sick, he couldn't let such a beautiful anniversary go to waste. 

After all they spent a whole year together. 

A whole year of talking to each other into the depth of the night. A whole year of good morning texts. A whole year of promise kisses, and comforting hugs. 

Donghyuck was set on making it up to his boyfriend. A simple headache was not gonna stop them from celebrating the thriving of their beautiful clandestine relationship. 

So he buys flowers along with a cake and a candle. Donghyuck is smart, you see. He was not gonna start this new year of their relationship on a bad foot. He was set on waking up on the right side of the bed with his boyfriend. 

He buys pink roses just because it's the cheapest option, and Donghyuck is broke and he wants to make sure he has enough money to get the candles. They must blow them together or else this is going to be a cursed year for them.

And Donghyuck does not want that.

Donghyuck wakes up every morning, and lowers himself to his knees. He stays down low and says "Please. Please. Please." He hears his own whispers like the rustle of the leaves, and he would still beg, "Please don't let this be an ill-fated relationship. God, I love him. I love him. Please don't let anyone disturb our peace.

All I want is for Mark and I to be happy."

If Mark ever found out that Donghyuck bent himself for a god, he would approve. Mark was religious like that. Yet, Donghyuck wasn't really doing it for Mark's approval, or anyone's really. He does it for hope. He does it to ensure his happiness. He does it to beg God to be on his side when humanity is not on his.

Donghyuck wonders why the plane still crashes after all the praying he did. 

His sister gives him a lift. Donghyuck is older than her _and_ has his driver license, but he really couldn't bother with it. She was happy to drive him over to his 'friends' house, because she found Mark to be lovely too. 

He finds Mark waiting by the door when he finally arrives. 

"It'll only be 20 minutes." Donghyuck tells her as he fixes his hair quickly and takes his flowers and cake in one hand. "I'll just say Hi and be out. You can wait here."

She hums her response, but right before he shuts the door she asks, "Why the flowers?" raising an eyebrow. 

Donghyuck's heart twists in knots at the question. He admits that the flowers might as will be a banner that said _'I'm gay and Mark is my boyfriend'_

"His mom likes this pink stuff." Donghyuck mumbles before slamming the door shut. He doesn't know if she buys his lame cover up, but right now he couldn't be arsed about what she was thinking because Mark was there.

He looked as beautiful as always. Mark often gets angry about Donghyuck calling him beautiful. 

"There is so much tooting my horn could take, Hyuck" He would say, and sometimes it would be "You are blinded by love. How can someone like me beautiful?"

Today though, Mark didn't only look beautiful he also looked sick. He looked tired, like he hadn't slept all night. He is dressed in a robe over his casual PJ attire. There are purple rings under his eyes, his skin has a yellow hue to it, but his hair was still nice and neat. 

Mark engulfs him in a hug and its the warmest hug Donghyuck ever felt. It might have been because of the fact the Donghyuck was still in his boots, so Mark seemed shorter than usual and he fit in his embrace like a missing puzzle piece. 

Donghyuck counts the seconds in his head and he finds that this is the longest they've hugged in a while. Mark sighs contently, "I'm so glad you are here." He tells Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck smiles, "I'm so happy to see you. You look really beautiful today." 

Mark rolls his eyes and goes towards the couch. If they weren't going to his room, it meant that no one was home. Good. Donghyuck wants to kiss Mark better. He missed those soft lips of his.

"Don't say that." Mark grumbles a bit. Donghyuck chuckles at his response. 

Donghyuck sits facing Mark and holds his hands. Mark's hand are warm and his thumbs are going in circles over Donghyuck's darker knuckles.

"So how are you doing today?" Donghyuck asks Mark, hoping that he'd reveal that the headache disappeared.

Mark hums. "I'm doing better now that you are here, Darling."

It's cute how Mark calls him _Darling_ so genuinely. He says it like it isn't an old people's thing. He says it like it is Donghyuck's actual name. He says it like Donghyuck deserves to hear it. 

"I know Valentines is in a weeks time but I made you something." Mark says as he uncovers a cutely decorated folder from behind. Donghyuck's name is written neatly on the center of the letter's folder. The writers effort at making it neat and attractive was obvious, and Donghyuck felt his heart swell at the gesture. 

"Your hand is getting used to writing my name." Donghyuck says with a smile. He said it with the intentions of making Mark smile a little, laugh maybe, however all Mark does is shake his head slightly. 

“You got me flowers, and—” he takes a closer look, “—a Cake! All I did is paint this stupid dish and write a love letter.”

Mark stares at it for a some time. 

“I wrote you a love letter too.” Donghyuck says. He feel his own cheeks heat up as he says it, because he felt embarrassed. He really poured his heart into writing this letter. And the fact that Mark did the same makes him lightheaded, because he knew how hard it was for him to make these romantic gestures; it did not come to him as easily as it did to Donghyuck.

He sees Mark's reaction to what he just said from miles away, and that is because he knows Mark like that. He knows what the twitch of his left eyebrow means, he knows what his eyes are trying to say when he blinks too fast, and he knows what the turn of his round lips struggle to say. 

For a second, Donghyuck’s mind revisits one of his most cherished memories. It was the first time Mark had kissed him. It was their first kiss. Mark was red back then and Donghyuck laughed at him. Donghyuck had kissed two other boys before that, but everything back then was new to Mark. Including the fact that Donghyuck was a boy and not a girl. It took him a while to get in terms with it. Back then, Donghyuck was so scared of being revolting to Mark like he was to the rest of the country. He was scared to look Mark in the eye and find in his deep dark irises that he hated Donghyuck for being bent; he was scared of Mark calling his sweet, vulnerable, unmasked love disgusting. 

Instead, Mark had taken his shaky palm to the redness of Donghyuck’s left cheek in the secrecy of Donghyuck’s dark dark dark room and asked, “Can I kiss you?”

That question was liberation itself to Donghyuck. It was as though Mark has embraced Donghyuck. He felt free. He felt high. And he remembers thinking, I want to feel like this forever. 

_It feels like it was a thousand years ago_ , Donghyuck thinks.

“You shouldn’t have done all that.” Mark says, bringing Donghyuck back to the present. His eyes are drawn downwards to the intimate entanglement of their fingers between their bodies. Mark tightens his fingers around Donghyuck's, and it makes Donghyuck want to slither back for some odd reason. 

"You shouldn't have done all this." Mark says again. 

Something, like a bomb maybe, sinks down the pit of his stomach. He doesn't know how he knows it, but Donghyuck is suddenly aware that Mark means it. He means every word of it. 

Donghyuck shouldn't have come over today. 

Something is wrong. 

This is when then plane starts falling. It falls fast. Its painful. Its crashing through all the layers of the sky, and Donghyuck is just a small vulnerable human in the midst of this gigantic horror story. He tries to find his voice. He wants to scream, but like a tangible thing, it is stuck in the middle of his throat. 

He yanks his fingers away from Mark's grip. "What are you saying?" Donghyuck asks, almost hysterically. "Why are you saying this?" He feels, rather than hear, himself yell. 

Mark's face contorts, as though he was in pain. Donghyuck stands up, and goes to the other end of the room. 

"Come back." Mark says in a weak voice, his hands reaching out to Donghyuck. When Donghyuck doesn't, he stands up to approach him, but that triggers a violent shiver in Donghyuck. "Don't come near me please."

"But—"

"Just stay there." Donghyuck begs. He feels the tears well up in his eyes. 

They stay silent for a second, and Donghyuck uselessly remembers that his sister is waiting outside. 

"why?" He finally asks without looking at Mark. 

Mark tries to approach him again, but Donghyuck shakes his head. 

Mark sighs. " I have been doing alot of thinking the past few days, and everything is so overwhelming." Mark chokes a bit on his words, but then he gathers himself again. "I started to feel like everything I was doing was meaningless. Nothing makes sense anymore. That includes my studies, my family, and, well, you." 

Donghyuck's stomach starts burning, and a tremor settles on his hands. 

"I just do not see the point anymore—"

"Stop!" Donghyuck says, gasping with the pain. Was it even real pain? "This is exactly how they broke up. Did you know?" Donghyuck laughs as he remembers his best friend's terrible break up . To say that Jeno was devastated back then is an understatement, and now Donghyuck knows how it feels. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that." Mark says with an apologitic expression.

Donghyuck collapses on the floor once more shaking. For some reason his tears were not falling. They just blurred his vision. 

Maybe it was better to not see where his body will land after this. 

"Have I asked for too much?" Donghyuck asks.

"No!" Mark insists, "It's not you. I promise its not you, its me." Donghyuck laughs,

"That sounds like an excuse." 

"I really did love you." Mark says again. Donghyuck stares at him. 

"I really did. I do not want you to start thinking that the past year was not the truth. I did love you." He says. 

He repeats it once more and Donghyuck begins to find it sounding like a lie the more he says it. 

"I thought we would have made it." Donghyuck says, "I truly believed that you and I would live happy together. I really think we could make it." Donghyuck says desperately.

"I don't think I believe that anymore." Mark says, and he sounds so sure of his words. It's a fist to Donghyuck's gut and it leaves him breathless. 

"How long have you been thinking about this?" Donghyuck asks numbly. 

"Four days."

Donghyuck laughs. He must look like a crazy person. How does one fall out of love in four days?

Donghyuck just laughs some more. 

"Please talk to me. I think we need to talk this through." Mark says. 

"What is there to talk about Mark? You have decided. There is nothing more I can do."

"No. I haven't decided yet. Its not like a decision that I decided to take. Its just hard for me to maintain this. Its hard for me to give you what you want."

Donghyuck's head swims in confusion now. Is this where his body lands?

"So I have become a burden?" Donghyuck says. and Marks stay silent. 

"I really loved you. I did not want for this to end this way." Mark says. Donghyuck looks at him and he finds that Mark truly believes that what he is saying is making everything better for Donghyuck. 

"You don't get it." Donghyuck says, and his voice quivers. "Its not about how you wanted it to end. Its about the fact that you wanted it to end." 

Donghyuck feels weak, vulnerable and confused. Just four days ago they were hanging out in Mark's car, holding hands and trying to choose the perfect movie to watch on valentines. 

What changed?

What changed?

How does everything go to shit so suddenly so quickly and painfully?

His sister honks from outside, and Mark jumps. 

Donghyuck stands up. He fixes his rumpled hair, and tries to appear as okay as possible. 

He heads to the door, and Mark follows holding the folder. 

"Will you not take it?" He asks, "I promise its nothing mean."

Donghyuck shakes his head. "Why would I take this love letter now? I can't." 

Mark looks down in disappointment. 

"Okay." 

"Bye." 

"Bye." 

Donghyuck makes it to the car with a smile. His sister has a kpop song blasting through the beat up speaker of her car, and shes dancing along to it. 

She lowers the volume as he settles on the passenger seat, "Did he like them?" She asks.

"I think so." Donghyuck answers. 

The ride back home is a dance party. His sister is so busy driving and singing, that she doesn't realize that Donghyuck can not move his body. 

"Donghyuck?" Its his sister's voice. She is no longer driving. She is by his side, holding the passenger's side door open.

When did they arrive?

Is this where he lands?

Where is he?

What?

"Donghyuck? Are you okay?" She asks.

The bomb in him explodes. Tears burst out of his eyes, and he lets a sound out that is not human to his own ears. 

His sister starts yelling. He no longer hears what she says. 

He knows he is home and that is about it. 

For a second he wishes this car crashed along with the plane. 

Is he crying?

Is his mom here too?

He shakes and he holds his face. His mouth, jaw, eyes, and ears hurt. He can't think. Why does his body suddenly hurt too?

His dad is there too. He pushes them all away as he feels his stomach turning. 

He falls on the hard ground when he escapes form the car. He pukes out everything he ate this morning. It smells. and he is still shaking. 

Someone is screaming again, and he can't feel anything.

He remembers what he wrote in the letter to Mark, and he immediately recognizes the irony of his feelings. 

_I do not need a date to love you_ , he wrote referencing the missed anniversary, _I want a lifetime to love you._

This is how you survive a plane crash. 

You just live somehow wishing you did not.


End file.
